im supposed to embark on intensive math-doing today!! but look what am i doing now. i did NOTHING today.
going over jiam's place later! this other person called denise going over also so im off to jiam's rescue! hehhehs.
@ 1:22:00 AM
i can't take it i can't fake it
just got home and bathed. what a hectic day. i was feeling so damn shagged this morn when i woke up. i didn't even feel like going school but the day actually evolved from screwed-up to fun!
the first part of the national day celebration was total CRAP. some marching thingy and some poems and some speech and some other.. anyways, me kaix jiam yan cris stood together so that we can talk. played a fool to make the oh-so-exciting celebration more endurable. kaix was the conductor of our mini chorus!! erm, the chorus includes me, jiam, yan and cris. i say we generously displayed our singing talents. and if im not wrong, i think jerome fainted. lol!
next, everybody proceeded to the field so we can have our dance-in-line. had ta stand according to our classes and since all our classes are like side by side, we just congregated in one area. me kaix (t7) jiam jose [t8] junz ash robin toon [t9] and cind hopped over from t3! luckily melv wasn't with us if not i'll die laughing seeing him get his legs all entangled (cannot coordinate for nuts!). haha im joking melvyn yeo, wish you were with us! right.
the short-span line dancing ignited my spontaneity and my mood brightened. wish we could dance a lil longer though. reminds me SO much of stnicks days! (like family dance lahh) and especially cos the company was kaix(SN!) jiam(SN!) jun(SN!) and cind(yeah man SN too!).
dance-in-line comp that followed was attention-grabbing (FER ME ONLY ;)). both 1T8 and 2T8 won consolation. woohoo! whistles- im so prouda my old class peeps. sherry and tracy can dance man. prouda yan chels and caitlyn theyall also. bigbighugs-
we were released at 11 so jiam me chow went town. adele kangwei joined us later and we played bridge at lido. actually i didn't play. me kw went walking around and i bought my YUM YUM YUM mos double fudge. WHEE! oh my god i can just die for it (okayy im exaggerating). went to look at shirts but we ended up spending most of the time talking in the changing room instead. bet the salesgirl must be like what the hell.
watched tomb raider at 530. FIVE of us bought THREE tix (it's planned) and we ALL managed to sneak in, under the wonderful leadership of adele pillai. damn cheapskate. we didn't get caught! phew. the old man was one big blur block.
we got the first row seats so we all had to strain our necks. after awhile, you'll just get headaches and giddiness. in the end me kang just went to the back and sat on the floor lahh. nevermind it's free! (still dare to say) angelina jolie is HOTTTT stuff. kw and del went practically ga-ga over her.
after the movie, kang went with me to season's park fer my class bbq. she come and tell lame jokes i tell you. the tampines joke got us roaring in laughter. i meant ROARING. the "three birds sitting on the tree branch, singing hip-hop songs" was DARN FUNNY also like hello what the hell hahahaa but i didn't really understand the answer though. doesn't make sense that kind. i swear my ah-ha joke was hilarious but apparently my friends have very warped sense of humour so. ohwells HEYYYYYYYYYYYY
we met peiyun at the toilet so in the end four of us (me cind kang her) sat by the pool and started bitchg. bwahahahaha! that woman is hilarious! the amount of energy used laughing was equivalent to 50 crunches (my spellg sucks).
tsui nic kaif yushen tried to murder me! HAO DA DE DAN ZHI ALL OF YOU grabbed me by force and wanted to swing me inta the pool! if i didn't put up a frantic struggle i'd have staged a drowning feat. and that's really bad. amidst the chaos i heard kw said "eh if youall wanna throw her down, take off her shoes first" WOW THANKS FRIEND!? and the next thing i know, my shoes and socks were in split seconds. impressive efficiency. gek! my desperate efforts in wriggling, screaming and kicking paid off though. anad i escaped the calamity (totally apt word). IF NOT.
it was a nice night though. talkg under the moonlight was like romantic? but our shrill laughters totally spoil the serenity haha. what. to. do.
kang's daddy came and gave me a lift home. yay! if not i would have reached home like around midnight? which puts me in extreme danger since it's the HUNGRY GHOST FESTIVAL OH NOOO
Friday, August 08, 2003 @ 12:13:00 AM
just recovered from a breakdown and i hate myself fer allowing such vulnerability.
today's a fucked up day man.
jean yeow fucked up my morning pretty bad. civics was the usual propaganda, brainwashing shit, with shrewd understatements of specific ulterior motives targetted at me and my friends. but it aint gonna get me! sheer recalcitrance's prompting me to work my ass off fer math on monday and score respectable grades fer it yeah. wait and see. gonna overthrow all of her scathing criticisms about my friends. i guess she JUST. DON'T. GEDDIT. friends are by choice, by character. and not by results! fer goodness' sake. im so pissed off!
was at the grandstand with lala cind melv after school. melv waiting fer rugby training to start whereas me lala playing vball with chevy and two more people whom i forgot the names :/ cind was with mar fio cherm vic and all, practising fer interclass vball. i just love the grdstand.
it's covered with filth, mass-pe sweat and god knows what but i still love that dirty place in cj the most cause of the life and the many concurrent activities there that makes it happening. haha am i making any sense.
when my class people ended chinese (finallyyyy), me kaix jer amanda tsui nic dan xiangpin gerard boat and this guy called yushen (whoah isn't that damnit alot of people man, like half the class!) went suntec carrefour on a shopping spree (: its supposed to be a shopping trip fer tom's bbq. we bought like a trolley full of food but the prob is im not even sure if im going fer thing. the plans fer tom are SO fucked up. big time. seems like only jiam, me and chow are left and isn't that kinda pathetic :( fuck it.
our lil clique's fallg apart. jun's always with toon robin and their class melv and jay are always pangsei-ing us to play pool with their class' guys. jay and jiam always go out alone. cind's always out with her class people on important days. lala's always with her bf and that leaves very much me and me alone :( now i know how cand feels. the pangs of irredeemable loss is clinging on like a heavy weight. just wish i had cherished more OH BOTHER!
like i said im plunging headlong into a sea of troubles. im so tired of FRANTICALLY trying to reach through the almost palpable atmosphere of remoteness (no one will get me). i can no longer take the palpitations it brings me, the disappointment, receding hopes, mood fluctuations and EVERYTHING. deciphering the indications, i oughta have the gumption to TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! but i freaking can't.
Thursday, August 07, 2003 @ 10:50:00 PM
im craaashing into my downfall again. why why why. fucked up. fucked up!!
and i say fuck, what you gonna do.
Wednesday, August 06, 2003 @ 11:20:00 PM
imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind
major moodswings got inta me today. i was acting like a total termagant this morn. the horoscope says that i'll be pangsei-ed by my friends and true enough.
at the morng assembly, the sudden thwarting of plans fer this friday narked me totally. my mood like plummeted a thousand miles. to think that the night before i was still getting all excited about the bbq on friday. sighs.
continued sulking in GP lect. the irritating lecturer suffocated me with her boring talk on environment amidst a plethora of "OK"s, 216 to be exact. (oh yes i counted cos i was fucking badmood already so i just plonked myself there and refused to copy any notes.)
i can rattle on forever
during break today, we saw mr chai eating alone in the canteen and then hurrying back to the staff room. his dedication and simplicity just tugs at my heartstrings and i lost my appetite. mr chai's so much like my daddyyy. willing to sacrifice his time and effort fer our benefit.
i got much, much better after jerome and kaix taught me how to spin a coin :):) ooooh. pardon my ulu-ness.
one new thing that i never knew of : vagrancy is a crime!?? we can be like put behind bars if we are found to have less than a value of 1 buck on us. isn't that ridiculous?
after school was slackkkkk to the ultimate. training was scraped. so me cind cand went ta watch the interclass bball matches. reminiscing about the times when j2s were stil with us. without jacq sherry theyall, trainings became less fun. imagine life after they leave cj altogether :/ i'll be so wrecked with boredom.
anyways as i was talkg bout interclass bball, we lost to kayan's class. t33 i think. me cand cind amanda went canteen to chill after the match. i've got lotsa time to waste cause jiam kaix tav having training until 630 so me cind hafta wait.
after cand went home and amanda left fer dance, me cind went back grandstand to find mar mar..
lotsa runng ard uh? slack slack slack.
we just sat there with (cherm oso) did nothing but watch the guys' interclass bball. PETER IS SO GAYYY. lol
fang told me this, "everytime i fall in love i fall fer someone new. but still i always find myself back in love with you." and i found it damn true. despite the vagaries of life, past infatuations really do rekindle every now and than. wonders of human nature.
on the way home, me jiam kaix cind tav acted like a buncha unhinged hyenas, pifling around as usual. and i love acting lk a twit :):) i must have a serious problem wif temperaments, i conclude. this morn i was pissed to the max and now im rather happieeee. something's wrong with me! haha.
so friday's plans how.. hurry confirm!
Tuesday, August 05, 2003 @ 8:17:00 PM
will you
two history tests today!! i can just die. it's finally over but there are more to come. econs on thurs and differentiation on friday. i wanna get a good grade fer math test on fri then after that i can go off and play at kaifeng's bbq haha. hope it'll be fun.
Monday, August 04, 2003 @ 8:59:00 PM
ohwells. that was last night. but today, i had my usual silly fun in school.
i love yan cris and jiam's company. they never fail to crack me up and i just loovee them.
during my first break today, me kaix yan cris borrowed some coins and bought this GIANT cuppa pepsi. which we drank in like a few seconds. SUCK IN BREATH! DRINK! haha like so damn cheap thrill right? it's like they're so MAD and im MAD too so how normal can we get when we are all together.
during econs lect, me and yan were roaring at each other. and then miss ho caught me roaring! she asked me to come to the front of the LT and join her assembly of victims but i didn't. and she soon forgot..HUR!
we had our first paul poh math tutorial today. my goodness. he's damn good. he made math so simple! i can't help noticing his flappy ears though. haha.
after school i was waiting fer chris ta send me home but kaix couldn't keep me company cos she had maintenance (cj's crap punishment) so i went grandstand to find lala cel sera then we went canteen and join cherm cindy there studying.
cind's artistic skills are like SO CANNOT MAKE IT :p
anyways chris was taking very long studying her hist.. so in the end cher's daddy sent me cind and kaix home instead. so sweet of her to offer (: thanks dear.
the laughters and kee-siao company i had in school had managed to throw all my unhappy thoughts at the back of my mind temporarily. but as soon as i got off the car, i started pondering again.
fear fear fear. is she gonna sprout bad things bout me? i don't even know her anymore. the cruel truth in this world is that when one turns her back on the other, verbal kindness no longer holds. and i just hope that she'd have a lil mercy in her opinions cos i don't wish ta lose any friend at the course of this pointless issue. seriously, i don't wanna lose any more friends no more.
@ 12:28:00 AM
i've expected this long ago. expected expected. but hearing it straight from kw further confirm what i already knew. and im not exactly very happy about it.
obviously py or wx must have told her, i reckon. that kang went embassy with me. she actually asked her. if we were close.
i ask what did she say but all kang said was that she didn't hear cos she switched off so she didn't hear whatever she said. ohwells. i know how good kw is sometimes at sieving out stuffs fer people's good so i guess she must have said something horrible if not why must sieve out.
pissed or sad? neither lahh. i just can't believe it, she hates me till NOW. it's like whatever? things became like that because of my fault i know. but hey, it has been so long already so if you wanna be childish and bear grudges than it's up to you. i've nothing else to say.
Sunday, August 03, 2003 @ 4:51:00 PM
now if I had a wish away we go
waking up to the aroma of my momma's cooking doesn't help to cheer me one bit. i'd gladly let meiyan cris and jiam come my class and take all my food than to see a friend suffer yet i can't do a single thing about it.
aj people seriously needa get a life. instead of perpectually ostracizing people they don't agree with. stop lammin' my friend i tell ya. screw off screw off SCREW OFF. shooo!
sigh im like on the phone with kangwei now. say hi! don't know whether that girl's willing ta go amk with me or not. i need to - change hp cover - buy concession fer me AND my sister as well plus - i don't wanta go alone! GROWLS.
truth forever
on the scaffold,
wrong forever
on the throne.
yet the scaffold
sways the future,
and behind
the dim unknown,
standeth God
within the shadow,
keeping watch,
above His own.
| verse of the day
| beautiful, i just want you to know, you are my favourite girls
not what my hands have done
can save my guilty soul
not what my toiling flesh has borne
can make my spirit whole
not what i feel or do
can give me peace with God
not all my prayers & sighs & tears
can bear my awful load
Your work alone, O Christ
can ease this weight of sin
Your blood alone, O Lamb of God
can give me peace within
Your love to me, O God
not mine, O Lord, to thee
can rid me of this dark unrest
& set my spirit free
Your grace alone, O God
to me can pardon speak
Your power alone, O Son of God
can this sore bondage break
no other work, save thine
no other blood will do
no strength, save that which is divine
can bear me safely through
i bless the Christ of God
i rest on love divine & with unfaltering lip & heart
i call this Saviour mine
His cross dispels each doubt
i bury in His tomb
each thought of unbelief & fear
each lingering shade of gloom
i praise the God of grace
i trust His truth & might
He calls me His, i call Him mine
my God, my joy, me light
'tis He who saveth me
& freely pardon gives
i love because He loveth me
i live because He lives (:
