my lil sis was playing ard with my dad's phone just now.
i browsed through the gallery and saw one pic of my dad.
makes me smile .. it's soo cute :(
sigh.
i feel like crap.
Thursday, May 20, 2004 @ 12:12:00 AM
my favourite places
read cind's blog ta see that she's ogling mischa barton and time check: eleven!
FLEW outta my room and on the tv, just in time :)
she's so prettyyyyyyyy.
gah.
the O.C. makes me mad!
bastard.
basket.
i met fangs today.
had a slight argument this morning.
it's all my fault.
i couldn't go home just now!
yan ta the rescue :)
thanks dear. yet again.
i feel sooooo cranky.
ringing :
josh groban - you raise me up.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004 @ 1:01:00 AM
the curse of my life
accompanied moms ta town fer pots&pans shopping.
i dont understand. why a person with difficult means can promise ta buy me a pair of $164 slips when she has money .. ok not promise but went like, "if next time mommy has the money, i'll buy na4 shuang1 xie2 zi3 gei2 ni3."
reckon i'll still need new slips? i have a MOM mom!!
ate lunch at wisma kfc.
OH fergot ta say, with my mom's friend also.
sometimes i feel so glad, that she bagged friendships whose fathomable depth no friends our gen can match.
mom said sth funny today.
aunty (the friend) dont wanna touch the chicken cos she says that she is very fat.
then my mom said, "ni zhe yang jiao fei,
THEN WO BU SI YAO NAH QU DIU DIAO."
left cos i had a 430 tut at yishun
but i would have gone instead of cancelling that and the subsequents if i hadnt felt like shit. LIKE SHIT.
it's a concurrent existence but i was INVISIBLE.
those eyes do not see me and they probably never will again.
not that terrible, given i probably wont give the littlest damn about it three months down the road and probably ever again.
do i sound poetic today ? IM UPSET.
all the probablys. so damn probably.
went thomson plaza ta find lala cind. thought i was gonna burst into tears when i finally see them but glad i dint. need some love from the girls. and they made me laugh they made me ferget they made my day more than just bearable.
toots came and i wanna say im sorry i wasn't good company. u see.
A long time ago
We used to be friends but I
Haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again
A greeting I send to you
Short and sweet to the soul I intend
Just remember me when
You're good to go
so somehow today's the day.
reality smacks me unprepared in the face.
finally.
if i do bother to think back and feed myself some ANSWERS:
i was needed, wasn't i.
no it's not ok..
not pleasing to feel like a complete idiot.
those repeated acts of THERE and missing probably aint intentional.
more of a habit ?
It must be something I said
Or someone I know
Or you called me up
Maybe I wasn't home
snap out.
kinda enough waiting and wondering to still actually buy those self conjured answers.
im frustrated enough too. to be convinced a "sorry i've been busy", which might or might not come, is not going ta soothe how .. thrown away i feel.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004 @ 11:58:00 PM
armstrong's arm is strong.
is armstrong's arm strong ?
armstrong's arm is strong.
im late fer tut 4th time in a row.
no mood.
Sunday, May 16, 2004 @ 11:37:00 PM
pop pop pop that thing
yes junz u waiting fer this entry? :)
15 may 2004 sat.
went junz's hse right after tut.
travelling from yishun to simei can die
but i met cind fer awhile.
awhile meaning from yiochukang ta dhoby gaut.
met junz at simei mrt there and went ta buy fried kway teow and bandung from the coffee shop that we used to always buy fried kway teow and bandung from.
if cind can count properly, i hadn't eaten that fer one year.
at jun's hse,
ate, watched sex and the city season three.
i liked the show!
was watching watching then eh.
i realised their lil clique also like our lil clique got 4 people!
then continue watching watching,
junz suddenly say eh four of us are very much like four of them!
(carrie - ponders a lot, has moving on issues.
samamtha - sexy and horny, whole mind sex sex sex.
miranda - emotionally independent, doesn't need a stupid man holding her stupid hand.
charlotte - the oh-so-sweet-and-shy girl who thinks love can actually last forever.)
i like huh? like how?
then junz say lala's like charlotte, smittened by love and prince charmings (minus the s)
you(me)'re like miranda dont need anybody one.
then i said oh yeah then u're samantha, haven't get over the previous r/s.
and cind..then both of us stopped fer one second and BURST out laughing.
THEN CIND???? hahahahas. go figure.
damn true man!!!
hahahahahhahas.
SEX AND THE CITY.
dont they look arresting?
last min decision to go shanghai sally.
i was in freakin tube, cardigan and stnicks shorts lahs!
wore jun's skirt. jun's belt. jun's earrings. jun's makeup. jun's miracle. jun's (heavy) slippers.
me junz went town at around 8? ta meet cind and ade.
i did foot-lifting all the way there. heavy slippers!
had a belated sortta celebration at mccafe fer thane.
champagne cake :)
met a pri sch friend while waitin fer cab.
she used to be a "joanne" instead of "joanne tan" ever since.
but when she actually talked ta me i feel as though it's back to 1997 when none of us knew how ta spell fuck fer fuck's sake.
...
the way i am today,
try "life's unpredictable".
speaking of primary school friends,
adelia popped us terrible insights of cind's childhood past times on the way ta shanghai sally.
she buried a fish alive and watched the sand go bob bob bob up and down up and down and she thinks it was INTERESTING.
u know the capsule ball that rolls out from those mini dragon ball vending machines, she kept a tortoise inside that ball fer one whole day in school. and cind went, "it looks so cuuute it looks like an unhatched turtle egg!!" --cind then chuckles chuckles chuckles--
wow that was some stunning quoting uh.
party was ok.
yeay i prefer this kinda crowd ta those white-badge red-badge along-with-new-jc-guyfriends kinda crowds that's like urgh not interested i just feel like going home.
drinks were alright.
had so many drinks! dont know where they came from.
no techno.
but i would've gone to a karaoke if i wanted ta hear one thousand guys singing along to every song that comes on air.
but still, i had my own fun.
cind dropped her phone in the toilet bowl! :D
and now it's spoilt. and SHE's using my phone.
me cind bunked over at jun's.
warm baths.
delicious maggiee mee - cooked by me & junz, cind's totally useless in e kitchen man.
freezing aircon.
purple pillows.
warm sheets.
thick blankets.
two beds.
three girls.
ONE WALL. HAHAHAHAHA.
jun had so little space she thought she was stuck to the wall and cannot come out.
that girl tucked my hair and went we cup we CUP! so soft fer mosquitoes ta hear.
but i heard. :D and dint move.
16 may 2004 3 of us slept till twelve sth.
i remembered it's twelve sth cos yijun came in and "eh wake up it's 12 o'clock all ray deh!!!"
oh oh oh i've a new phone! cind gave meeeee
samsung flippie :)
and a new skirt! junz gave meeee
gap army skirt :)
i believe i believe in love
and like the stars above
they shine and they shine on me
set me free i believe in you
and that our love is true
i believe i believe i believe..
i love this song!!
though the lyrics are like UTTER bullshit.
cind says it's damn techno
dont know why i like it man but it's ringing in my head!
hahahas.
wah food's an evil temptation!
wanted ta leave at 2 plus cos i've tut at bishan at 4.
but cind & junz was planning on going smu ta eat waffles
erngggggggg i also wanta gooooooooo.
so cancelled tut. :|
jun's dad drove us there cos he goes there fer jogs.
3 of us talked and talked and talked.
hell, i MEAN it's a good talk when i say it's a GOOD talk.
i think it's a treat when lil clique sits down and opens mouths about love sex priority marriage future distance time wants.
things.
junz had ta go fer family dinner.
then me & cind went thomson plaza ta :\ study.
got fetched ta town ta take bus there and boy, it's called downtown trash clashes uptown funky headlong and the only sense of belonging goes to the taka busstop.
ate at kfc.
as in cind ate, i skinned her chicken fer her.
then
k so it IS a long entry.
but now all seems irrelevant and outdated.
dad came in.
said something.
went out.
is God OUT to get me. stronger.
?
if those thick walls can crack,
i can crumple. and cringe. and crumple and cringe a million times worse
im not a strong girl i will die!
if it's not for the confines of reality,
il wish that ive the luxury of worrying about stuffs like oh no im brrrooookkkeee which irritatingly means in simple terms: oh no i've no money fer shopping and fine dining. or like shit she's gonna be at the party wad should i wear? aiya go home and study lahs. even like oh my god he's dumping me which is like aiyo dump then dump lahs!
in all seriousness, these strange worries are nothing but redundant problems.
i dont even SEE the problem mans.
it's like so minute in comparison to real. life. problems. wtf. WTF.
truth forever
on the scaffold,
wrong forever
on the throne.
yet the scaffold
sways the future,
and behind
the dim unknown,
standeth God
within the shadow,
keeping watch,
above His own.
| verse of the day
| beautiful, i just want you to know, you are my favourite girls
not what my hands have done
can save my guilty soul
not what my toiling flesh has borne
can make my spirit whole
not what i feel or do
can give me peace with God
not all my prayers & sighs & tears
can bear my awful load
Your work alone, O Christ
can ease this weight of sin
Your blood alone, O Lamb of God
can give me peace within
Your love to me, O God
not mine, O Lord, to thee
can rid me of this dark unrest
& set my spirit free
Your grace alone, O God
to me can pardon speak
Your power alone, O Son of God
can this sore bondage break
no other work, save thine
no other blood will do
no strength, save that which is divine
can bear me safely through
i bless the Christ of God
i rest on love divine & with unfaltering lip & heart
i call this Saviour mine
His cross dispels each doubt
i bury in His tomb
each thought of unbelief & fear
each lingering shade of gloom
i praise the God of grace
i trust His truth & might
He calls me His, i call Him mine
my God, my joy, me light
'tis He who saveth me
& freely pardon gives
i love because He loveth me
i live because He lives (:
