im exhausted n embarrased.
my dad n mom r lk askg me sooo many embarrasg questns.
shooooooo ~
anywaes,
our team won 3rd fer badminton interclass.
not a grt honour but tts not e point.
point is- im damn super prouda jiamx n kaix!!
my god i adore e wae dey look on e court..
aft tt, me n jiamx went baq ta stnix ta meet kangx n del. (change of plans)
instead of studyg, me n del wnt walkg ard e sch.
wnt ta look at my old class,
wnt ta look at her old class..
found one classrm tt was left unlocked!
so we sneaked inside n i headed straight fer e balcony.
oh my god it has been ages since e last time i stepped in dere ~
wished i cld linger dere longer though.
/me sticks out tongue del fer hurryin me out.
went ta daohui stall ta study aft e stupid uncle at stnix threathened ta lock us in.
///wna sae a big sorrie dearie ta jiamx..!
cos me n kangx left her dere alone most of e time.
1st we were at mac's eatg while she was all alone at e daohui stall ~
n she sent a hilarious msg ta us.
me n kangx cudnt stop laughg whn we received it in e toilet ~
e msg goes..:
" 3tings u gta do:
smile smile smile
smile smile smile
smile smile study
study study study
study study study
study return2
daohuei return2
daohuei return2
daohuei!"
nxt was when we finally did return ta daohui,
e aircon inside was unbearably freezing!!
so we sat outside instead..
n toked e rest of e nitex awae ~
wow. productv productv study session..
kangx daddie gave me a lift hme again.
hur..
am i lazy or am i lazy.
@ 8:13:00 AM
badmonton interclass today! going school later it's at 830 so WHAT am i doing here hahaha
jiamx playing singles against jenevie later two lazy ppl playing against each other anyways, we must reach school early cos we've yet to break jen's lil legs i'm meeting kang later at amk library to study supposed to meet at 9 (clash with badminton time i know) but then again, it's kangwei. so i can be late fer like 2 hours or something haaa
@ 12:41:00 AM
i've learnt that yer loved ones are taken away from you too soon
yesterday jiamx's daddie gave cindy and me a lift home. in the car, jiamx was just in the front seat while i was at the rear when she sent me this msg: "..continue studying hard okay? i may not make it to next year but you confirm can.. jiayou!" it clawed me pretty bad. didnt realise how dear jiamx is to me until the thought of us having to separate struck me. teared to sleep when i got home at this horrible horrible thought.
just when im drained in disbelief at the cruel implications of promos, meiyan and chris told me after morning assembly that they are leaving college fer poly im dumbfounded couldnt help myself when the warm tears just wouldnt stop streaming the penetrating sense of loss is too much fer me to take and nothing can describe how reluctant i am to see them go if only i knew earlier how tired meiyan is of trying and trying in vain if only i knew earlier then i would have fought tooth and nail to make things easier fer her just so she wouldnt have reached this state of despair really regret not doing something earlier to keep them going i seriously dont see the rationale of studying so hard anymore when friends leave one by one i want them always next door so that i can see them whenever i want i want them next ta me during morning assemblies so that we can have our daily nonsensical ourbursts during anthems and announcements i want them to be the very first few i see every morn when i go to the grandstand i want all of us to promote and grit our teeth tog thru A's next year i want all of us to go uni tog and realise whatever we wanta achieve but still no matter how hard i try now i know it's all too late whats decided is already set no amount of anguish tears shed are going to help.. i'm reali exhausted from all the futile crying and i sat there totally defeated by the cruelties of it all.
Thursday, August 21, 2003 @ 2:14:00 PM
bummer. there has been some monstrous bugs invading all the comps and i dare not log on mine at home. just a safety precaution. it's always better to be safe than sorry isn't it.
yups. so i'm presently at the library slacking away. end at 430 today and i bloody hell only have 3 lessons. the rest are all breaks not that i dont enjoy breaks but this is a serious misallocation of time yeax?
okays. think i better blog about yesterday before i forget cos sooo many dramatic things happened. promos are coming dangerously near and ppl are breaking down. i sure do not want to see any of my friends on the verge of tears. it just kills me. big hugs to junz, cind, jiamx and meiyan. study hard dearies we'll all make it tog.
events were just swirling around me and i feel trapped. after school i went scotts with lala, meiyan and sheena. met sera and this girl. (oops she's really nice but i got her name mixed up at the moment) then me and meiyan went amk library to study. inspiration works two-way. and it's lucky that i had the chance to resolve whatever negative thoughts that jeanyeow had planted inta that innocent girl's head. hopefully i really did. enjoyed my whole day talking to meiyan and i simply love that girl man. she's incredible. like i said, promos is seriously just around the corner, crouching like a devious beast waiting to devour any weak-minded. what we need now is practical advices that address academic shortcomings instead of discouraging foresights and views assuming the worst.
this is sucha small world. was only at the amk library for a mere 2 or 3 hours and i met dozens of ppl. met shujun!!!! urghs i missed that silly auntie like mad. saw many other ppl including pork and aileen, my childhood playmate, pri school classmate, others too many to name.
at night, accompanied meiyan to aj cos she wanna pass something to her friend i was supposed to meet kang there but something cropped up anyway, meiyan's friend happened to be some piece of shit bastard thats not worth mentioning one more filthy act from him and i promise i'll make his reputation go - heh talking bout evil thoughts but im really pissed off and disgusted by the fucker so he had better watch what he's doing from now on fancy even denying his shamelessness! cowardly poseur yucks
almost quarreled with kangweis. the tones bore disturbing familiarities to past conversations with a certain someone. had a helluva time struggling to curb some undesirable behaviours from perpetuating without contradicting some obligations. sorry that it's kinda vague// but i cant be more explicit than this urghs fuck the purpose of a blog
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 @ 11:31:00 PM
yet another mundane day with draggy lessons made worse by the thick weather. jeanyeow test was horrible!! i totally misinterpreted the question so i guess im most probably gonna get around 2 or 5 marks? yeax =/
as usual i was on a scavenging spree again. -wide grin- spent my fourth break with junz, robin and toon. robin just HAD to tell alex that i cant read the time (which is not really true) anyways, was really happy to see them at the canteen. when junz asked where i was, i merely said, "at the upstairs toilet changing pad" and almost immediately, toon and robin dropped their chopsticks in distress (good tactic uh) yeax.. so although it really didnt cross my mind to steal bites from them, i just helped myself to their food since they can't finish anyway. -nod- has been a long time ever since we last sat down and fool around. rarely had the time and chance to. and i like them. school work practically left my mind when im with them.
bathed in school after my lengthy lessons ended at 510. then went fer night study in the library with junz, robin, ash, cindy, jiamx and clara. felt so accomplished today cos i did one math tutorial! HEY it's alot okayy! how does that sound? intensive hist mugging and econs browsing in the day time and purely math-drilling at night. seems like a workable plan uh. -chuckles- okay set.
Monday, August 18, 2003 @ 11:47:00 PM
i'm falling sick! can feel my stomach brewing storms =/ had sucha horrible cramp today can totally destroyed my momentum to rush work and depleted my energy level to less than half man the useless menstrual tablet didnt have any visible effects on me. so i was practically lying on the floor groaning my life away with jerome's biggy bag as a make-shift pillow. i absolutely hate this monthly torture.
anyways, brO paul went all ballistic about school uniforms today and immediately the adverse effects start to show. the whole school went frenzy over tidiness and tucking in of blouses and all ~ guess in the days to come we all had better refrain from using safety pins or draw-strings to keep free from harm's way.
had less things to complete today than what i had expected. turned out that rajoo's test was fill in the blanks!? and jean yeow's tut only took me thirty mins. smooth.
after school me, cindx, char and cherm went to nicole's house to study. hurhur.. but rather, we spent most of the time doing other irrelevant things. like having a good time looking through the MGS year books, fishing out cuties and ogling pretty girls :D nicole was sucha sweet host! not to mention the tasty snacks her mommie bought fer us -grinnn- anyhow, me, char and cherm took a cab back to cj at like 10 plus cos chermie's daddie was waiting there. hmmx think i'm becoming increasingly lazy from all the free rides home hehheh i'm off to dreamland dearies! see ya all tom. soooooooo dead fer jean yeow test. ohwells.. im hungry!!!!!! gonna go fer night study tom. to cherm, char, cind, mar, nic and whoever: wait fer me fer dinner! or i'll come and FIND YOUALL.
@ 1:01:00 AM
urghs. i cant seem to hammer any history crap into my congested brain. my mind's saturated to the brim with everything but history. i cant concentrate.. i cant concentrate.. -chants helplessly- nobody warned me about yer smile. no body warned me about [u]. first time i set my eyes on you, you turn my world upside down. never knew how much destruction you can cause.. it's far more extensive then i imagined. each blinking day i'm mesmerized by you more. today much more then yesterday but far less then tomorrow. each time i see you my hidden fear grows. one step closer to you but one step further away from heaven's glow. dont wanna fall fer the traps infatuation brings. so afriad that history would repeat itself.. monotonous emotions in me are my only assurance that it won't. it's so easy to dream* but the consequences so heavy to handle. twinkling moments of fantasies are all that i can afford. i wish one day you'll know: i tried' not falling fer you. hidden beneath the surface of my casual behaviours are unknown perplexities contradicting each other. the unadvised importance that i've naively valued you would seem so pointless in the future. if this continues.. the transient happiness that i'm enjoying would only make my world go topsy-turvy. i so do not want to admit this but it's time to break free again. ...like i said i'm sooo dead. and this is what's causing it. the mindless dwaddle more or less sums up what's taking over my limited brainspace. two hist tuts to complete and two hist test to panic fer. tom will be sucha hectic day with all that tutorials doodling mad-rush and rajoo test crammin. let's see how miraculously lucky i can get tom yeah? bummer =/ i'm outta here.
Sunday, August 17, 2003 @ 11:04:00 PM
hurhur ccx actually meant coffee club express.. how am i supposed ta know righttt anyhows, went CCX ta meet kangwei to study.. THAT girl is atrocious! i should have known man a reasonable proficiency in temper control sure is a prerequisite for meeting her! i waited there for one & a half hours alone stupid waiter didnt help much by continuously pacing up and down, a gesture of obvious hint fer me not to hog the table grrrrrr #@&^$%# but i guess the premonitory expression on my face sure kept him outta my way.. -glares- i made a mental vow to eat kangwei up when she appears but when she did, she had this highly apologetic look on her face so i decided to make her pay fer the cheesecake instead
ppl: i broke record today. one whole fringin day and only a pathetic piece of cheesecake plus half a kfc colonel meal entered my growling stomach. had sucha hard time trying to study under severe hunger. kangx was quite helpful. she insisted that i leave a small portion of the cheesecake fer her which she happily tormented me by leaving it glaringly on the table not allowing me to touch it. so there i was studying hist with this delicious cheesecake staring at me.
i feel so lousy.. i had no fringing idea how to study european nationalism!! somebody help me. -screams- or maybe my notes are lousy.. yeah that must be it.. -nods- kangwei was doing some hair-pulling math sums called parametrix?? (is that how you spell) have we learnt it before? anyway i had no freaking idea how to do. hmmx another day perhaps =| sighhhhhh is my math really that terrible.. maybe it's predestined that i'll fail again.. -pouts-
cindy, charine and exo were at rocky masters and they dropped by around evening time. we were supposed to have dinner tog but considering how broke i was, me and kangx went kfc instead we shared a meal lors talking about self-indulgence.. i sure didnt today! anyways kangx's daddie came really early and i hitched a free ride home. sighhhhh tom got rajoo test. and tue got jeanyeow test! i better go cram some hist =/ wish me luck wish me luck!
@ 12:38:00 PM
yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns the msg tone was so freaking loud! woke me up from my precious dreaming time :( :( :( :( kang wants to go study at ccx?!?! shit man i've no idea what the hell is ccx????
truth forever
on the scaffold,
wrong forever
on the throne.
yet the scaffold
sways the future,
and behind
the dim unknown,
standeth God
within the shadow,
keeping watch,
above His own.
| verse of the day
| beautiful, i just want you to know, you are my favourite girls
not what my hands have done
can save my guilty soul
not what my toiling flesh has borne
can make my spirit whole
not what i feel or do
can give me peace with God
not all my prayers & sighs & tears
can bear my awful load
Your work alone, O Christ
can ease this weight of sin
Your blood alone, O Lamb of God
can give me peace within
Your love to me, O God
not mine, O Lord, to thee
can rid me of this dark unrest
& set my spirit free
Your grace alone, O God
to me can pardon speak
Your power alone, O Son of God
can this sore bondage break
no other work, save thine
no other blood will do
no strength, save that which is divine
can bear me safely through
i bless the Christ of God
i rest on love divine & with unfaltering lip & heart
i call this Saviour mine
His cross dispels each doubt
i bury in His tomb
each thought of unbelief & fear
each lingering shade of gloom
i praise the God of grace
i trust His truth & might
He calls me His, i call Him mine
my God, my joy, me light
'tis He who saveth me
& freely pardon gives
i love because He loveth me
i live because He lives (:
